Follow My Mess by Email!

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Delving into the Intriguing Unknown

Turning Point

Going from the world of Education to an entirely new field of study last minute is like slamming on the breaks in a new, unpaid car, then doing a U-ey on the buzzing freeway of other cars--all uncertain of their destinations. 

But zooming out, it's more like I was treading my tires on a dead end street, as I was going nowhere fast.  I was burnt out before I could begin.  Perhaps this new reality, or direction, was the turning point I have been looking for all along.

My New Reality

Enough is enough!  I was tired of spinning my wheels on Nightmare Street in the Land of Wayward Dreams.  While my past education has been far from a waste, I just regret two things: 
  1. not researching all career options thoroughly and realistically
  2. not following my natural desires
I felt forced to choose a career path once I completed all the basic pre-requisites.  Many nights I cried with worry of making the right or the wrong decision.  My decision was finally made based on three not-so-hot criteria in my mindset:
  1. what I told myself I wasn't capable of doing based on my physical characteristics (having one arm)
  2. what others told me I was good at (working with children)
  3. the "fact" that I could never make a living doing what I naturally enjoy (writing [in connection with my other passions])
I molded myself into what I thought I should be based on those limitations, which has been my perception of myself until now.  Without even realizing it, I can remember forcing my motivation and doing things to please others (my school work, my life choices).  How others viewed me became my calculation for self-worth.  I was a good student... if "good" means rote memorization to pass tests and completing projects based on the challenging and limiting requirements for professors.  (I am a creative, free thinker stunted by examples or the suffocating walls set forth in strict rubrics.  Am I mentally claustrophobic?) Being a people-pleaser, for lack of a better term, has been my biggest set-back that I have carried away from the entire experience. 

People pleasing stems from caring way too much about what other people think.  Caring, in that sense, wobbles on a fine line.  I still struggle with crossing it.  Take it from me; some of the long-term effects of being a people pleaser are:
  • being over apologetic
  • deeming yourself a failure with every constant mistake
  • confusing mistakes with self-worth
  • taking the blame when it's not your fault
  • lacking confidence in your abilities
  • becoming a hand-holder (unable to do things on your own with confidence, especially when people are watching, therefore requiring/preferring supervision)
  • fear of making mistakes
  • making clouded judgements
Coming to Jesus!
(not to be mistaken with a religious connection)

I have learned a lot about myself since then--like all my great characteristics and potential that I've had all along!  I have lately resurfaced my true desires so that I may begin again with only my raw motivation to guide me.  That brings me... to here, precisely!

I am all set for school.  Every cost I am expected to pay will be paid with my desired career goal in mind.  Realistically speaking, I know I can turn this into an investment ultimately.  I'm going to make this one count.  I can do this.  :)

The Plan

Apparently my credits earned back in the day have been for something.  All of my necessary credits transferred.  All I need to take before entering the OTA program is Anatomy & Physiology I and II, which I take this semester starting on August 27, 2012.  After those are completed, I will wait until it's my turn to enter the OTA program.  My projected start date is January 2014.  That could change, depending on if anyone drops out before then, to August 2013 or May 2013.  Eek! 

The program is sixteen months long.  I will have to move to the city in which the campus is located (two hours away from my current home).  That will present a challenge because I am married; however, I have every bit of faith that we both can do this.  We are a very strong couple.  <3 

At the latest I will graduate in April or May 2015.  After that, I just need to become certified.  Then it will all be over.  Or shall I say it will all begin? 

Anatomy and Physiology!?

Yikes! I only found out I was going back to school definitely exactly a week ago. Before then, I still believed I'd be a teacher, sadly. Everything happens for a reason, though. :)

I find myself already priming for my upcoming Anatomy & Physiology courses.  (Yes, I said courses.)  I take both A & P I and II in one semester!  Let me explain.

The school I am attending is different than the average university.  Rather than dragging out a course over the span of a several months semester along with other boring or demanding courses, I will be expected to complete one course per four weeks.  It's a change I welcome, actually. 

This will be interesting.  It's going to be very challenging.  I can't wait!  Another aspect of these courses that I'm not sure how to feel about is that they are online.  The lab is online, too.  Considering I normally opt for the traditional lecture-style on-campus setting, I am rather perplexed as to how this all works. 

And so, I have found a great study resource to get me started.  I have discovered an abundance of great resources online.  A friend of mine shared with me the wonderful world of anatomy coloring books.  Genious!

I'd love to find out how to get in touch with a virtual or real study group or study hotline since I will be attending these courses online.  I'm used to having classmates to coordinate with! 

If you have A & P study tips, please share.

No comments:

Post a Comment